Learn SleepTalk

The Goulding SleepTalk process is easy to learn -- you could be starting tonight!

The Goulding Process Book

Available as a hard copy (free postage) and also eBook for immediate download. Contains the full program; the Phase 1 or Foundation process and the ongoing Advanced Level

Download Workbook and MP3

Available in English and 12 Translations. These short 10 page PDF format ebooks are intended as a ‘quick-start guide’ to start using SleepTalk® with their children.

Video Program

Ideal for the busy parent. Set of 19 video tutorials led by founder Joane Goulding that you can watch on your mobile device – available for immediate download

Your Children are in Safe Hands

with the Goulding SleepTalk Process

The Goulding SleepTalk Process is completely safe. Over the last 40 years has proven to be the parents solution to a wide range of childhood challenges. Its 100% safe, non intrusive, a step-by-step process. It empowers parents to improve or overcome their children’s challenges & negative behaviour or habits. Once learnt & applied correctly, it takes only a few minutes a night. And the results can be outstanding & life-changing for many families.

About SleepTalk

What is SleepTalk all About?

Joane Goulding and the SleepTalk® Process

The SleepTalk® Process by Joane Goulding shows parents how to give their children positive suggestions, helps to achieve self-confidence & inner strength. It gives parents a second chance to undo the possible harms caused by unkind negative words & past experiences.

Has been used by paediatric & children’s healthcare professionals for over 35 years. The Goulding Process – Sleep Talk® products and services reach families across the globe, with over 100 consultants assisting families with this valuable process in over a dozen languages.

Parents are encouraged to learn the protocol then apply it consistency for just a few every night , assisting their children achieve a strong resilience and happy attitude life. The Goulding Process – Sleep Talk® has been called the Gift for Life and rightly so.

Please visit the testimonial pages for a glimpse of some of the feedback from parents and professionals, and the results that SleepTalk® process that was created by Joane Goulding has achieved over the years.

About SleepTalk

What is SleepTalk all About?

Joane Goulding and the SleepTalk® Process

The SleepTalk® Process by Joane Goulding shows parents how to give their children positive suggestions, helps to achieve self-confidence & inner strength. It gives parents a second chance to undo the possible harms caused by unkind negative words & past experiences.

Has been used by paediatric & children’s healthcare professionals for over 35 years. The Goulding Process – Sleep Talk® products and services reach families across the globe, with over 100 consultants assisting families with this valuable process in over a dozen languages.

Parents are encouraged to learn the protocol then apply it consistency for just a few every night , assisting their children achieve a strong resilience and happy attitude life. The Goulding Process – Sleep Talk® has been called the Gift for Life and rightly so.

Please visit the testimonial pages for a glimpse of some of the feedback from parents and professionals, and the results that SleepTalk® process that was created by Joane Goulding has achieved over the years.

Shortcodes Ultimate

FAQs

1. What is the Goulding SleepTalk® Process?
The Goulding Process is an alternative and substance-free, self-help process for
parents coping with a challenging child. Sometimes a lack of knowledge or support
can cause parents to doubt their parenting abilities, feel misunderstood and go on a
merry-go-round of endless professional consultations and dead ends.
SleepTalk® For Children is a simple, ethical, non-intrusive process that parents can
use in the safety and comfort of their own home while their child or children are
asleep. It only takes parents a few moments to present – it’s been called ‘the two
minute gift with changes that last a lifetime’ – and helps children to develop a positive
and confident sense of self and greater emotional resilience. The child feels less
anxious and better able to deal with their world. The Goulding Process creates
changes in the child’s mindset and behaviour that are reflected in actual changes in
the wiring and structure of the brain, a phenomenon that Dr. Norman Doidge calls
‘Neuroplasticity’.

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Questions and Answers: Please scroll down to find the answer.
1. What is the Goulding SleepTalk® Process?
2. How did you come up with the SleepTalk® Process?
3. When did you realise that the Process was helping your daughter?
4. How is Michelle now?
5. Would all children benefit from this Process?
6. What would you say are some of the worst things that parents sometimes say to
their children?
7. So this process empowers parents to rectify some of those negative suggestions or
situations?
8. What about a very young child – how early can you start SleepTalk®?
9. Does the unconscious mind of a foetus pick up on the mother’s emotions?
10. Is SleepTalk® the same as hypnosis?
11. Does SleepTalk® work for children who don’t have concerns or problems?
What benefits would they gain, if any?
12. My child is always happy, so how do I know if the Process is working?
13. Is there any difference in the basic process when working with a “normal” child
to that with working when a child who is intellectually, physically or emotionally
impaired?
14. There are some children who live very regimented orderly lives. Do they need
SleepTalk® or is it mainly for children experiencing challenges?
15. What sorts of positive results are being achieved with the Goulding SleepTalk®
Process for issues dealing with education, stress and anxiety?
16. What about asthma? Can SleepTalk® assist?
17. How would you describe the child who awakens very easily, has difficulty going
to sleep, or is often awake throughout the night?
18. What areas of behaviour management can this Process assist children with?
For example, can it assist Autism or the controversial Oppositional Defiant
Disorder (ODD)?
19. What happens if children have a fear of someone?
20. Can you work with multiple issues at the same time?
21. Is there a specific “Primary Area of Need” suggestion you would use if there
were a general anxiety or conflict or concern about going to school?
22. What happens if my child is fine except for nail-biting?
23. If a child has a basic negative structure and a feeling of “I’m not okay, I can’t
do something”, or “I’m not as good as someone else”, won’t the SleepTalk®
Process create confusion?
24. The SleepTalk® Process includes the phrase “Today is a happy day”. What
happens if it is a bad day or a sad day for the child? Won’t that cause conflict?
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25. You have said that it is not appropriate to use persuasion with SleepTalk®. Why
not?
26. Does it matter if only one parent does SleepTalk®?
27. What happens if Dad or Mum feels uncomfortable working with the Process?
28. Would you tell the child that you are practising SleepTalk®?
29. What happens if more than one child is sleeping in the room?
30. Why do I have to whisper – will it wake them up?
31. What happens if the child awakens whilst doing the basic SleepTalk®?
32. Does it matter if the radio or the TV is on while conducting SleepTalk®? Or
perhaps people talking in another room?
33. Should I repeat the script during the day?
34. Would you explain in more detail what you mean by “feedback”?
35. When there is a stepmother or stepfather, what happens to the basic script
regarding the absent partner?
36. What happens if the non-custodial parent is restricted in terms of access?
Doesn’t that cause conflict with SleepTalk®?
37. What happens if one parent doesn’t love the child? Aren’t you lying to the
child?
38. What about when the child is old enough to comprehend the death of one
parent. Does that parent still get named?
39. You say the Process helps create emotional health. Please share more about
that.
40. You spoke earlier about Dr. Norman Doidge’s work in the area of
Neuroplasticity. Tell me more about that.
1. What is the Goulding SleepTalk® Process?
The Goulding Process is an alternative and substance-free, self-help process for
parents coping with a challenging child. Sometimes a lack of knowledge or support
can cause parents to doubt their parenting abilities, feel misunderstood and go on a
merry-go-round of endless professional consultations and dead ends.
SleepTalk® For Children is a simple, ethical, non-intrusive process that parents can
use in the safety and comfort of their own home while their child or children are
asleep. It only takes parents a few moments to present – it’s been called ‘the two
minute gift with changes that last a lifetime’ – and helps children to develop a positive
and confident sense of self and greater emotional resilience. The child feels less
anxious and better able to deal with their world. The Goulding Process creates
changes in the child’s mindset and behaviour that are reflected in actual changes in
the wiring and structure of the brain, a phenomenon that Dr. Norman Doidge calls
‘Neuroplasticity’.
2. How did you come up with the SleepTalk® Process?
My personal story will answer this question! In 1966 my first born, Michelle, was
everything I had ever wanted. She seemed well and gurgled happily like most babies
do. When her sister arrived 13 months later, I started to realise that Michelle had not
hit the milestones that her sister passed with ease, and she was becoming agitated,
frustrated and angry about her limitations. She was learning from her younger sister's
development rather than leading the way.
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My heart skipped a beat the day it dawned on me that there was something wrong
with my firstborn. My dear baby girl was increasingly upset and I didn't know what
on earth to do about it. I was gripped with guilt and fear.
So that's where my journey started. I consulted professionals, doctors, psychologists
and educationists. The overwhelming feedback was that there was something wrong
with ME: I was not parenting her effectively. I was inflamed, outraged and
stigmatised. I was doing my best, for goodness’ sake, but I was dismissed with little
to no support.
I'll always remember what the doctors told me – one said there was nothing going on
that good parenting couldn't fix; another doctor proclaimed that if she grew up to be
functional, the best she could hope to achieve was to be a dishwasher and even then,
she wouldn’t be much good at that. I was devastated by their comments and the
disturbing ‘life sentence’ these doctors had imposed on Michelle. I knew in my gut
that their assessments were wrong but I didn't know where to go for help. Young
Michelle’s fine motor skills were clumsy and she lacked the ability to express herself
clearly, so she remained angry, agitated, sad, aggressive, and very difficult to manage.
Sadly this all placed a lot of strain on my marriage as her father failed to cope with
the demands of this little girl, and within five years we had separated. Now I had the
complications of divorce, sole-parenting, and a challenging situation with Michelle's
father, and was left to face this situation alone.
Michelle had been assigned to a new school and by a stroke of good fortune the local
authorities had lost all the papers relating to her past so she was admitted to this
school with a clean slate. There she underwent a new assessment by an independent
educational psychologist, who concluded that my treasured baby had cerebral palsy,
very likely caused by the birth process; and dyspraxia; was dyslexic; and had an
emotional and intellectual IQ of around 45. I was exonerated, but it had cost me many
years of heartache and agony and great financial strain as I’d spent a huge amount of
money seeking answers to her problems.
When I met Jim Goulding, my second husband, he and I embarked on a journey of
exploration together to try and work out how we could reach and help heal little
Michelle’s battered heart and soul. I realised that no matter how much I loved her and
how much Jim adopted her as his own, she was still left with this feeling of not quite
belonging, of being inadequate, sad, lost, and annoyed at the world because of her
disability.
Jim was a Clinical Hypnotherapist and his curiosity about how the unconscious mind
worked was infectious. It was the mid to late 70s and together we explored the power
of the unconscious and how the unconscious registers our experiences. We were
fascinated by reports that patients under anaesthetic could recall the conversations
their surgeons were having during surgery, a phenomenon that is still little understood
or explored. And we started to understand that children absorbed everything they
heard, regardless of their conscious beliefs – they had no way of defending
themselves against stray comments or unintended slights. Their unconscious was
registering everything that had ever happened.
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The turning point in our understanding came when we were driving past an empty
paddock one day with Michelle in the back of the car and as we did, she became very
excited. We couldn't work out why she was so enthusiastic. It was an empty paddock,
after all! Later that evening when we reflected on it, we realised that just a few weeks
before there had been a big, bright and colourful circus on that same spot, and our
intellectually challenged daughter had accessed a memory that had been stored in her
unconscious at the moment that she saw the paddock, and had tried to talk about what
she was remembering. Michelle’s speech was very limited but we realised that her
unconscious knew more than we had recognised. And we were humbled.
So that was when I began to develop the Process – because I refused to believe that
there was no help for Michelle and started to ask, “what if?” I rejected the negative
suggestions of the professionals as I planned and investigated alternatives. I activated
the oldest law of the mind:
“IF YOU CAN IMAGINE IT… YOU CAN BECOME IT.”
The process we developed as a result was made possible because my need was so
great, my determination was mighty, and I had wonderful help from two mentors.
One was Michelle’s stepfather, my late husband Jim, who believed passionately in the
power of the mind and its creative mechanism. The other was Emile Coué, the author
of a slim little book simply called How to Practise Suggestion and Autosuggestion.
The realisation that it might be possible for my dreams to come true was one of the
most profound experiences of my life. Dreams and imagination are the first steps
towards realisation of any outcome.
The procedure that we now call the Goulding SleepTalk® Process was so simple yet
so dynamic that it changed our entire world. Yes, we made mistakes and sometimes
became fearful of failure, but as we learned from the mistakes and refined the
procedure, we were rewarded with a miracle.
3. When did you realise that the Process was helping your daughter?
It was one morning after we had used the Process for about 3 months. Michelle was
coming downstairs for breakfast and I found myself anticipating another angry and
disconnected outburst when she walked into the room. All the same, I asked her:
“How are you today, darling?” I will never forget what happened next. She stopped
walking towards me, cocked her head to one side, and, with a quizzical frown on her
face, one word escaped her lips: “Happy?” She said it with just a touch of a question,
as if she was trying to work something out. My heart sang. It was an emotional
moment because this one word proved that all of our struggles had been worthwhile.
Michelle’s unconscious mind was processing the instructions we had been giving her
in SleepTalk® that she was loved and “today is a happy day”.
It took several years of dead ends and false starts until we discovered the process that
worked with Michelle, a process that would subsequently facilitate breakthroughs for
many thousands of children with all kinds of mental, emotional or behavioural issues
all over the world.
5
4. How is Michelle now?
I’m delighted to tell you the end result. Although Michelle still has an intellectual and
emotional IQ of around 45 and still has to deal with the physical impairments of
cerebral palsy and dyspraxia, she has been happily married since 1990, lives
independently with her husband, travels independently and can cook you a mean
breakfast as long as you like eggs – if not, you’re on your own!
Michelle now has the most precious gift I could ever give her: the belief that she is
loved unconditionally, that she is lovable, that she can walk and talk, and that life is
happy. Her deep unconscious default belief that she was inadequate and “faulty” was
changed to: “I am OK”, and that is now the foundation of Michelle’s world.
5. Would all children benefit from this Process?
Most children have problems so my answer is yes. Some parents say, “But my child
doesn’t have any problems”; however, children often don’t share their problems with
others, especially not their parents. I know I didn’t share my problems with my
parents and I think many children today are the same. Also, one of the bonuses for a
family in applying this Process is the education that the parents gain about the use of
positive language. The down line ramifications that occur within a family unit can be
quite profound as parents use more encouraging and constructive language and reduce
the hurtful or negative comments they have been unconsciously making.
6. What would you say are some of the worst things that parents sometimes say to
their children?
Most parents I’ve talked to admit that sometimes they say things to their child that
they don’t mean or later regret saying. According to American Psychotherapist
Antonia Van Der Meer, a parent’s temporary loss of control may, unfortunately, mean
permanent heartache for the child if nothing is done to correct that impression.
For example, when parents come home tired and irritable and discover their daughter
or son has again left their books for homework at school, even the most understanding
parent may find themselves blurting: “How can you be so stupid?” or “When are you
going to learn to think?” When taking the children on holiday and all they do is fight
with each other, even the most patient parent might ask aloud: “Why did I ever have
children?”
Van der Meer suggests that all parents are bound to lose control occasionally – and
lose sight of the fact that their words can make a child feel wounded, rejected or
unloved. Whether menacing, negative or hostile statements are said intentionally or
just slip out, the result is always the same: the parent feels temporarily relieved,
perhaps, but real damage may be done to their little one’s self-esteem and to the bond
of trust between them.
It’s important to recognise – and resist – saying hurtful things. Parents must learn to
handle their own anger and frustration in order to teach a child how to behave. We
have all made mistakes when communicating with our children. We need to learn
from those mistakes, forgive ourselves, take the learning, leave the negative memory
behind, and move on. It’s never too late to learn. The SleepTalk® Process gives
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parents a second chance to redefine the basic self-image of their child and create a
positive belief in place of previously accepted negative ones.
7. So this process empowers parents to rectify some of those negative suggestions or
situations?
Absolutely. From the moment of birth – and even before birth, professionals now
believe – thoughts, feelings, reactions and memories are registered in the deep
unconscious mind, and those memories, with the accompanying thoughts, feelings,
emotions and reactions, will last for life. Suggestions are very powerful, especially
when made to a child by someone in authority over them, so parents have a major role
(and responsibility) in ensuring that their child develops a positive mindset during
their early years.
8. What about a very young child – how early can you start SleepTalk®?
When does a child understand language? Very young children may understand a
message by the tone of voice rather than the words. They will feel the love even if
they do not understand the words. Even very small children can discern the difference
between love and fear.
9. Does the unconscious mind of a foetus pick up on the mother’s emotions?
That depends on your personal philosophy as to whether or not you believe there’s a
connection of minds prior to a child’s birth. I personally think that the SleepTalk®
Process can be used with a child of a very young age. Evidence is now available that
proves hearing is the first sense to develop in the womb.
10. Is SleepTalk® the same as hypnosis?
No. The only thing SleepTalk® and hypnosis have in common is that they both use
suggestions. Hypnosis is conducted while the subject is awake and has a conscious
memory of the process. SleepTalk® is conducted whilst the child is asleep with no
conscious memory of the process.
11. Does SleepTalk® work for children who don’t have concerns or problems?
What benefits would they gain, if any?
Absolutely. SleepTalk® is for all children. I would include absolutely everybody. The
recipients of SleepTalk® do not necessarily have to have a problem. Five or six year
old children may be happy and well-adjusted but are you absolutely assured that they
are as positive and self-confident as they could be? That they are using their full
potential? Just because children don’t share their concerns, does that mean they don’t
have any? A belief that they are loved and their world is a happy place will ensure
that everything they do is done with a sense of self-confidence and self-worth.
SleepTalk® is a guard against negative suggestions and stops the thieves of selfesteem!
It enables children grow up with a positive, healthy self-image, without
anxiety, and to utilise their individual talents as well. What a marvellous opportunity
parents now have to assist their children to fully realise their potential.
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12. My child is always happy, so how do I know if the Process is working?
You need to be very sensitive to the changes within your child. If your child is always
happy then allow at least three months to ensure that the basic Process has been
accepted before you start working on any Primary Area of Need. Subtle feedback will
be available if you tune into it. The feedback may be increased calmness, less anxiety,
more confidence or just a change of attitude. Watch your child! Observe! All children
have issues; they just may not share these issues with their parents. Consider when
you were growing up – did you share your thoughts and fears? It’s possible that even
the happy child has hidden issues.
13. Is there any difference in the basic process when working with a “normal” child
to that with working when a child who is intellectually, physically or emotionally
impaired?
I’ve never met a “normal” child. All children experience conflict and all children have
the potential for improvement, for creating empowering change. Remember, the
difference between what is considered normal or abnormal behaviour is a matter of
perception and belief, and is socially and culturally determined. “Normal” reflects
what the majority consider to be acceptable behaviour or standards. These can
change, such as the acceptance of smoking, which used to be widely accepted and
practised and is now banned from public places.
A minimum of twelve weeks are needed to complete the basic SleepTalk® for a socalled
“normal” child, though sometimes you can see a result within two or three
days. However, when working with a physically or intellectually impaired child, you
may be waiting as long as six months for positive feedback that the suggestions are
being accepted. The child must in some way express a change of behaviour,
indicating acceptance of the suggestions. Be attuned to your child – the changes may
initially be very subtle and can manifest in a number of ways.
Feedback is important to establish whether or not the Foundation of new belief
structures have “set” hard. You have poured the foundation for the house and have to
wait for the “concrete foundation of belief” to be accepted before attempting to build
on it. As with all things, it takes a little time to set. You will need to keep motivated to
do the Process each night. If the child is physically, intellectually or emotionally
impaired, it may take much longer than 12 weeks for change to occur, which is why
you must work closely with your clients and keep them motivated.
14. There are some children who live very regimented orderly lives. Do they need
SleepTalk® or is it mainly for children experiencing challenges?
Yes. Some children who relate well to their organised, structured lives have more
difficulty adapting to a crisis or major changes than those from apparently
dysfunctional environments. When children require everything to be structured they
are sometimes unable to cope with unpredictability. Their parents may not be aware
of their (unrealistic) expectations and perceptions of failure. With SleepTalk® we are
able to give these children a foundation of security so that, regardless of the disruption
to their routine or orderly timetable, they will cope with their world. They will find
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that their parents’ or primary carers’ love is not conditional upon success or
performance.
15. What sorts of positive results are being achieved with the Goulding SleepTalk®
Process for issues dealing with education, stress and anxiety?
Some of the positive feedback we have received since 1974 has been posted on the
home website. You’ll find case histories about children/families dealing with a wide
range of behaviour disorders, including aggression, poor behaviour management,
stress, fear, anxiety and trauma. SleepTalk® also assists families dealing with sibling
rivalry and destructive communication patterns.
The Process is particularly helpful when dealing with issues around education and
study, co-operation and concentration. Health issues also respond in a positive
manner, such as asthma, bed-wetting, nail-biting and speech difficulties. Professor Ian
E Brighthope, a very prominent expert based in Australia, believes that the Goulding
SleepTalk® For Children Process should be adopted by all parents. He has described
it as a sensible, practical and easy-to-follow method of communicating important
messages to the unconscious mind. He considers it especially useful for effecting
changes in children’s behaviour. He suggests that educators and health professionals
consider SleepTalk® in the management of all disorders in which the mind plays a
significant role.
The Process has been described as “the two minute gift with changes that lasts a life
time”. Parents talk – children listen – creating happiness while they sleep.
SleepTalk® is a profound gift because it’s important for parents to realise that it’s not
what we leave to our children that matters; it's what we leave within their minds.
16. What about asthma? Can SleepTalk® assist?
Asthma indicates and/or creates major anxiety, and sometimes even a fear of life or
death. Asthma can be a physiological reaction to a psychological state of fear, and if
so, the fear component of the asthma may have to be addressed and a referral made to
an appropriate therapist. Simple suggestions such as those included in the Primary
Area of Need may assist.
17. How would you describe the child who awakens very easily, has difficulty going
to sleep, or is often awake throughout the night?
Very anxious. SleepTalk® should be able to help but it may be difficult the first week
or so to actually access the deep unconscious mind. If you persist in your SleepTalk®
Process the child will begin to relax. The anxiety will be reduced each time you use
the SleepTalk® Process because you will be reinforcing a positive self-image and the
belief that “it’s okay”. A quiet and anxiety-free state of mind will develop and
gradually the child will become more and more able to accept the suggestions – and
hopefully soon get a good night’s sleep! Remember, you can never eliminate a
memory, but you can add to it, alter or change the “energy” of that memory. As you
persist with a positive suggestion it will compound and eventually become more
powerful than the original “I’m not okay” belief structure.
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18. What areas of behaviour management can this Process assist children with?
For example, can it assist Autism or the controversial Oppositional Defiant
Disorder (ODD)?
A. Yes indeed. The Autism spectrum is actually very wide because there are many
variations in symptomatology; for example, some children experience difficulties
with speech, some won’t look at you, some have temper tantrums… However
Registered SleepTalk® Consultants around the world are indicating positive results
with a wide range of behaviour disorders from health issues, learning issues, stress
and anxiety, to Autism/the Autism Spectrum disorders. The labels “Asperger’s” and
“Autism” seem to be very prevalent at the moment, and some of the case histories I’m
receiving report major changes in the children’s social skills and behaviour, which is
very rewarding. [Some of these results have been reported on the SleepTalk®
website.]
Another area that responds well to SleepTalk® is “an ongoing pattern of disobedient,
hostile and defiant behaviour toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of
normal childhood behaviour”. This type of behaviour is listed in the Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as “Oppositional Defiant Disorder” (ODD), a
diagnosis that is considered controversial by some professionals. (It’s important to
remember that labels don’t necessarily reflect causes; often the labels given to
children are descriptions of their behaviour, which is the effect rather than the cause.)
Common features of ODD include excessive, often persistent anger, frequent temper
tantrums or angry outbursts, and disregard for authority. Children and adolescents
with this disorder may appear very stubborn and often annoy others on purpose and
blame others for their mistakes. Parents observe more rigid and defiant behaviours
than in siblings. These ODD children may appear resentful of others and even take
revenge when someone does something they don't like. In order for a child or
adolescent to qualify for a diagnosis of ODD these behaviours must cause
considerable distress for the family and/or interfere significantly with academic or
social functioning.
We are delighted that SleepTalk® does appear to be able to assist with both of these
“disorders”. Certainly the parents I’ve had the pleasure of working with have reported
very positive changes in their children, and often for the entire family. Calmness
replaces anger and frustration; co-operation replaces “Oppositional Defiance”.
19. What happens if children have a fear of someone?
A very difficult question but a very important one. Never say, “You will not be
frightened of your teacher”. It may be appropriate for that child to be frightened or
wary of a teacher or some other confronting person or situation in the future. With
SleepTalk® it is not necessary to identify the possible cause behind a fear.
SleepTalk® is not a therapy but simply introduces and/or reinforces empowering
beliefs. These beliefs will often enable the child to deal effectively with that cause.
Always be aware of what you are saying and how you are saying it because children
take what they hear literally; jokes and subtlety are not always registered. If you are
creating any Specific Suggestions in order to deal with a persistent Primary Area of
Need, make sure they will apply “for all time”.
10
20. Can you work with multiple issues at the same time?
The first priority is to establish acceptance of the Foundation Statements and
consolidate the feelings and belief of being loved and secure. Once you receive
positive feedback that the Foundation Statements (which create the basic beliefs) have
been accepted, then identify any ongoing “Primary Area of Need” and develop the
Specific Suggestions for that issue, but only one at a time – don’t demand too much of
the unconscious mind. However, if there is more than one really important area that
needs addressing, the suggestion, “It’s okay – remaining calm” is a great way of
covering a range of issues with one simple statement.
Initially it’s important to establish what the ‘Primary Area of Need’ is rather than
giving energy or attention to the effect or presenting issues. Are they fearful of the
weather? Perhaps they are fearful of going to school? Do they want to excel in maths
or sport, perhaps? Determine the main issues, not the minor, such as not being able to
do up their shoelaces or not keeping their bedroom tidy or not eating meals properly.
These are secondary issues that will change as they gradually develop their basic selfconfidence
and self-image. Remember, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, “I’m not
okay”, “life’s a bit suspect”, “I’m anxious”… these basic beliefs will change with the
acceptance of the “I’m okay” structure from the basic SleepTalk® Process.
21. Is there a specific “Primary Area of Need” suggestion you would use if there
were a general anxiety or conflict or concern about going to school?
Yes, there is. Concerns about going to school indicate a lack of confidence and a very
anxious state of mind. Which statement you use depends on the individual child and
circumstances. However it’s important to develop suggestions that address the
possible CAUSE. For additional and specific information contact an accredited and
registered SleepTalk® consultant. Details can be found on the website.
www.sleeptalkchildren.com
22. What happens if my child is fine except for nail-biting?
There are a number of issues needing to be addressed here. Is the nail-biting just a
habit, a learned behaviour, or is it a symptom of anxiety? A detailed discussion might
be required to establish the possible cause of the nail-biting. You need to be very
careful not to remove the actual biting of the nail without at least becoming aware of
the possible cause. Removing the effect of nail-biting without dealing with the cause
may result in the child developing another symptom. However the basic concrete
Foundation belief, “I’m okay, I’m loved, I can handle this”, will address the cause,
whether it is anxiety, distress, a poor self-image or something else, and as a
consequence, the reaction will be reduced. The nail-biting (or asthma as dealt with
before), may have been there because they didn’t feel okay about themselves. Now
they do, and as a result the attitude and mindset are changed but the nail-biting might
remain if it has become a habit/learned behaviour pattern. In that case, the Specific
Suggestion after the Foundation SleepTalk® Process will assist the child in changing
that habit. It’s as simple as that.
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23. If a child has a basic negative structure and a feeling of “I’m not okay, I can’t
do something”, or “I’m not as good as someone else”, won’t the SleepTalk®
Process create confusion?
Possibly yes, it might cause confusion; however, this confusion is desirable because it
means that change is occurring. This type of healing crisis is called “abreaction” and
it shouldn’t last too long. Maxwell Maltz, author of Psycho-Cybernetics, states that it
takes up to 21 days for a new thought to be accepted by the unconscious mind.
SleepTalk® is very similar. Over a period of time, the new process of thinking starts
to build against the “I’m not okay” idea.
The information accepted into the computer (the unconscious mind) will initially be
stored as fact alongside the negative belief. So if we place the positive suggestion
“I’m okay, Mummy loves me, Daddy loves me, it will be a happy day today,”
alongside the negative “I’m not okay” in the child’s belief structure, and it is going
straight in without conscious critical analysis, without negative analysis, without any
alterations, then the belief structure within that child will start to change. Yes, the new
suggestions may cause initial confusion but gradually the new ideas become the
primary beliefs.
The “Top Hat” (conscious brain) is now put to one side during the Process and the
positive suggestions lodged within the unconscious mind will naturally express
themselves as positive thoughts into consciousness. Remember, when you press a
button on a computer and it sends a message to the screen, it doesn’t matter whether it
is true or not; the computer will still relay that message word for word. The process of
acceptance into the unconscious mind is no different. With SleepTalk® we don’t deny
a belief; we simply work alongside negative beliefs until the positive one has been
accepted. Keep the positive suggestions going each night and you get a compounding
effect. It’s like putting money into a bank. One dollar adds onto the next dollar and
before long accumulates into something worthwhile, much like compound interest.
The positive suggestions will eventually take over and have more power than the
(previously accepted) negative beliefs.
24. The SleepTalk® Process includes the phrase “Today is a happy day”. What
happens if it is a bad day or a sad day for the child? Won’t that cause conflict?
No, not really. Whatever the events of the day, it is our response that matters. We can
respond to an issue with frustration, anger or fear, or we can deal with it with
discernment and calmness – it all depends on our individual state of mind.
SleepTalk® helps children to develop constructive attitudes and hence constructive
ways of dealing with those issues. It allows them to have a positive self-image rather
than a defeatist negative attitude. If you give a child the belief structure of confidence,
calmness and a positive self-image, the child will be able to deal with issues of a
negative nature from that positive self-image. Remember, there are basically only two
energies in this world: we either deal with issues from fear energy or love energy.
25. You have said that it is not appropriate to use persuasion with SleepTalk®. Why
not?
Using persuasive language such as “I love you because you were good today” may
activate the conscious, critical, analytic function of the brain and cause the child to
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conclude that he or she is only loved if s/he behaves in a particular way. This is
conditional love, whereas SleepTalk® conveys unconditional love. Persuasion causes
practical problems if, for example, you said, “you will be happy today because it is
school holidays”. What happens when the child needs to go to school? Conflict and
disharmony. You have created a situation and a belief that the child will only be
happy if it is school holidays. [For more about Persuasion see the Note on the
Criteria for Specific Suggestions pages.]
26. Does it matter if only one parent does SleepTalk®?
It’s better for both parents to be involved since children develop their sense of selfworth
and self-acceptance from both parents/primary carers which creates a balance
component within the child’s perception. However it is only slightly less effective if
only one parent delivers the statement.
27. What happens if Dad or Mum feels uncomfortable working with the Process?
Mums tend to be more in favour or perhaps more comfortable with the Process, and
some Dads tend to be reluctant, especially the older generation who may still hold the
belief that males shouldn’t cry or show emotions. The ’70s-’80s and certainly the ’90s
generations now accept that it’s okay for a guy to go to his son and give him a hug
and kiss and say “I love you”, especially in most western societies; however, in some
cultures or countries it is inappropriate to hug another male even if that male is a
child.
Men also have feelings and experience vulnerability, although they will express their
feelings differently to women and can sometimes take longer to overcome personal
barriers to expressing love via the SleepTalk® Process. It’s important to remember
that children receive their self-image from both parents, which is why we want both
primary carers involved and alternating nights if possible. In sole parent families “We
all love you” will cover any other imagined or missing carers.
The SleepTalk® Process allows for parents to share or display their feelings, thoughts
and emotions in a safe environment without fear of rejection and without having to
deal with limiting self-image, perceived difficulties relating to interpersonal
relationships, or communication concerns.
28. Would you tell the child that you are practising SleepTalk®?
No, never. The conscious critical analysis would interfere and might negate your
efforts. I would, however, encourage repetition of the basic suggestions during the
day (waking hours) to reinforce the process. It’s one thing for Dad to say “I love you”
or “Daddy loves you” whilst sitting on the end of the bed where no-one can hear or
see, but it’s also very important during the day for the child to hear that message
consciously, while awake. For some parents, expressing their feelings might not be
quite so easy out in the big wide world. Parents who have interpersonal difficulties
and expression or communication fears will probably find it easier to express their
feelings secretly at night while conducting the SleepTalk® Process, and openly after
some time.
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29. What happens if more than one child is sleeping in the room?
This is not a problem because the SleepTalk® Process must, in fact, be conducted
with both/all children. Remember, all children gain from utilising their full potential.
Is there any limit to the number of times it’s appropriate to tell someone you love
them!
Children usually gain the most assistance if they are between the ages of about 18
months/two years to about 13-15 years of age although this depends on the individual
child’s development, both emotional and intellectual. As a rule, by puberty it can be
very difficult to get past the conscious critical analysis, which is very protective and
well formed by the teen years. The younger child’s openness to the messages is
determined only by the child’s ability to understand language; however, even if
children don’t comprehend all the words being used, they will understand the feeling
tone in the parent’s voice. Positive suggestions prior to birth are also essential since
children absorb what is being said around them even from within the womb.
30. Why do I have to whisper – will it wake them up?
Instead of whispering, speak softly. Whispering may cause the child to awaken and
wonder what is occurring. There is always a level of awareness during the sleeping
cycle – it’s called the Reticulating Activating System (R.A.S.) and it is always
switched on, regardless of the brainwave frequency.
31. What happens if the child awakens whilst doing the basic SleepTalk®?
That is not a problem; just continue with the Process. Children might even sit up, the
whites of their eyes may be looking at you or they may say to you in a sleepy voice,
“Go away” or “What are you doing?” or “I love you Mum”. They may even agree
with you, perhaps even nod their head as you work through the Process – don’t let
that deter you. Just continue with the script; you are still accessing the deep
unconscious area.
32. Does it matter if the radio or the TV is on while conducting SleepTalk®? Or
perhaps people talking in another room?
Yes it does. It is very important that television, radio, conversation, or
communication of any type is not occurring while you implement SleepTalk®.
Remember, you are accessing the deep unconscious area of the child’s mind, and any
voices from radio, television, perhaps arguments or details of discussions within
hearing, may be confused with the suggestions that you are making. These sounds
constitute “interference”. In fact, it’s always important that your child does not fall
asleep in front of a television or radio, and is not subjected to the violence of
arguments or negative discussions and comments about them while they are asleep (or
even awake for that matter!). It’s one of the most important factors to be aware of.
Children are always hearing/listening, whether awake or asleep! (Sleeping children
travelling with you in a car can also hear! Soothing background music is acceptable
so long as there are no lyrics.)
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33. Should I repeat the script during the day?
Yes. It would be very beneficial to repeat the basic Foundation script and/or the
Specific Suggestions during the day as this will help to reinforce the positive
suggestions.
34. Would you explain in more detail what you mean by “feedback”?
“Feedback” means “changes in behaviour or communication”.
After about four weeks of conducting basic SleepTalk®, determine the child’s
acceptance of the suggestions by asking a direct question during the day such as,
“How are you today?” Little Johnny might say “happy” or simply indicate by his
behaviour that he is feeling more optimistic. His words and his behaviour together
comprise what we call “feedback”. For example, the child may come up and give you
a sly little hug; you will observe changes in the way s/he speaks, acts, responds; your
child may even be calmer, happier, less anxious or shy. Sometimes you can’t put your
finger on it but she or he is different. This all classifies as feedback. Sometimes the
changes are subtle, sometimes within as few as seven days a major change of
emotional response or attitude occurs.
Remember, though, that there may initially be conflict within the child as the process
of change occurs. Also note that children may thoroughly enjoy being unhappy
because it’s giving them the attention they need, especially if they have difficulty
showing emotions or accepting touch or hugs. If you persist each night with the
Process you will gradually see a subtle change.
35. When there is a stepmother or stepfather, what happens to the basic script
regarding the absent partner?
Since the child’s basic self-image comes from both parents it is important that the
child is comfortable loving both parents without guilt. Children can sometimes feel or
gain the impression that to love the parent who is not the primary carer is to be
disloyal. If this issue is inappropriately dealt with (eg. if they are given an image of
fear or hate from one parent, or they are subjected to negative comments about the
other parent), the result is likely to be confusion and disharmony and even guilt and
helplessness, which may, in turn, develop into aggression and anger. How can they
love one parent without being disloyal to the other? This is why the Foundation Script
acknowledges both parents equally and includes the phrase, “We all love you” – to
cover all bases!
36. What happens if the non-custodial parent is restricted in terms of access?
Doesn’t that cause conflict with SleepTalk®?
Initially it’s possible that confusion may occur but the Process itself will assist the
child to manage the situation. It’s not SleepTalk® that is causing the conflict; the
cause of the disharmony is the influences within the family home, such as the tone of
voice used when speaking about the absent parent. It is very very important that
children believe they are unconditionally loved by both parents, whether it is true or
not, even if the other parent has died or established another family unit. The needs of
the child are paramount, so even if there is great disharmony between the parents, the
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“SleepTalk® parent” is urged to include the other parent in the Statement.
SleepTalk® is about reinforcing the sense of self-worth and self-confidence and a
positive self-esteem of the child, the knowledge that “I AM UNCONDITIONALLY
LOVED”, and since children develop their self-image from both parents, the
SleepTalk® parent is urged to overcome his or her own biases for the sake of the
child.
37. What happens if one parent doesn’t love the child? Aren’t you lying to the
child?
Firstly, what right does one person have to assume that the ex-partner or absent
partner doesn’t love that child? What right has one parent to say to the child that the
other parent doesn’t love them? Whether the other has left the family unit, died or run
off with Joe or Joan, Bill or Mary… what right has the primary parent to tell their
child that the other parent doesn’t love them? On the contrary, I feel it would be more
appropriate for the parent who has the custodianship of the child to reinforce the fact
that of course the other parent loves the child, whether it is true or not. The noncustodial
parent may not be paying maintenance, may not be seeing the child, may
even appear to be ignoring the child, may not acknowledge birthdays or Christmas,
but that doesn’t automatically mean he or she doesn’t love the child.
However even if the parent has lost interest or doesn’t love the child, what is the
benefit to the child of saying so? If children have the self-image of being loved by
both parents and later on find out that, in fact, one parent didn’t love them, at least
they will be able to deal with that information with a positive self-image. To me,
that’s better than telling a child that he or she is not loved.
38. What about when the child is old enough to comprehend the death of one
parent. Does that parent still get named?
Just because the parent has died, does that mean that the child needs to feel loss of the
parent’s love? Of course not. It is most important that the child still believes and
grows up with the knowledge of the love of that parent. Again we come back to the
issue: it’s not important whether it is true or not; it’s not important what our personal
beliefs are; it’s important that the child believes the parent still loves them.
39. You say the Process helps create emotional health. Please share more about
that.
Emotional health in childhood, in my opinion, is the key to future happiness.
Australian national paper, ‘The Observer’, reported that Lord Richard Layard,
Emeritus Professor of Economics at the London School of Economics (LSE) and his
colleagues at the Wellbeing Research Program at the LSE, conclude that a child’s
emotional health is far more important to their satisfaction levels as an adult than
other factors. He says: “Emotional health in childhood is the key to future happiness”.
The LSE study states: “Money, success and good grades are less important”. Society
tells us that education is important; however, emotional intelligence and resilience are
essential for our children. Babies in the womb are listening and feeling everything
that the mother feels; the feelings and ideas they pick up on impact on healthy brain
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and body development. How can we have peace in the world without having peaceful,
happy children? A substance/drug-free process taking only two minutes a night can
help not only the child but also the parents, who are the catalyst to ensure children
develop a positive mindset, by educating patents to be more aware of the messages
they are giving their children and to therefore communicate in more constructive
ways.
The Goulding Process introduces an alternative substance-free ‘remedy’ that
promotes behaviour modification and assists with communication and family
dynamics. New behavioural strategies are developed by the child during sleep and
without contraindications! SleepTalk® For Children takes advantage of the fact that
“physiological change from a state of deep sleep to wakefulness is reversible and
mediated by the Reticular Activating System (RAS)”. Research published in ‘Current
Biology’ reveals “that complex stimuli can not only be processed while we sleep but
that this information can be used to make decisions, similarly as when we’re awake.”
* Quotes from an article published in The Conversation and The Washington Post,
September 2014 from the research of Thomas Andrillon and Sid Kouider.
40. You spoke earlier about Dr. Norman Doidge’s work in the area of
Neuroplasticity. Tell me more about that.
Neuroplasticity is a subject that greatly interests me. I came across Dr. Norman
Doidge’s book The Brain That Changes Itself in 2010. Dr. Doidge has a very
impressive background: he is a Psychiatrist, Psychoanalyst and Researcher on the
faculty at the Columbia University Centre for Psychoanalytic Training and Research,
which is based in New York, and he is also a member of the University of Toronto’s
Department of Psychiatry. So he has quite an impressive background.
Last year when I read his book and considered his explanations, I gained a deeper
understanding of what we had developed with SleepTalk®. He was talking about the
incredible ability of the brain to adjust to challenges and literally “rewire” or redesign
itself in order to function at its best. In other words, our brains are not “fixed” from
birth but continue to evolve and change throughout our lives (the brain’s
“neuroplasticity”), and if one part of the brain is damaged, another part will be
“recruited” to do that part’s work.
The light bulb moment for us was when we realised that it was Michelle’s brain that
was damaged, not her unconscious mind, and that even though her brain had been
damaged, there were other ways she could access information. When Michelle’s
memory of the circus was stimulated, the information stored in her deep, unconscious
mind became available and the memory found its own pathway into her conscious
brain without distortion. Dr Doidge’s book helped me to understand the science
behind this phenomenon.